Some couples decide never to tell their children about where they come from, but the weight of this kind of secret can have a huge burden and can really take its toll on the family.
Constant underlying anxiety will affect the atmosphere of a family and sometimes honesty is the best policy. Failure to release needed medical information can result in dangerous consequences so why complicate a family future. Keeping facts about your children\’s biological origins a secret to them may prove highly unrealistic over time. In saying that, it is of course up to you and what you feel is best for your child and family.
Seeking consultation and finding others in your situation to talk it through can really help. This can prove enlightening, seeing others in your shoes and discovering you are not alone. It is an extremely difficult decision to make and having like-minded people around you will prove extremely comforting. Most adoptive parents cope with revealing the truth to their children and come out the other side, so keep this in mind when making your decision. Considering your child\’s social and emotional development must be taken and if you if you start off a relationship with a lie you\’re inviting trouble.
\”Talking to Your Children About Their Conception: It\’s Easier Than You Think\”, by Carole Lieber is a highly recommended book that could help you with this decision. Lieber suggests that you should tell your child from birth, that parents need to practice doing this when children are non-verbal so that the child gets used to hearing those words you may find awkward to say such as \”donor\” or \”insemination\”. By doing this you will both benefit from letting go of the past pain of infertility and refocus on the true miracle of your children\’s birth.
If you decide to make the decision to tell your child, tell him/her how glad you feel that he/she came into your life through the miracle of modern science. Let them know how grateful you are to the donor or surrogate mother for giving you such a perfect, wonderful child. Some children may be ok with this information from an early age, others may need a bit more maturity for it to fully sink in. There will be a lot of questions asked, as children are curious, so have what you want to say ready. Reassure them of the love you have for them and you will be surprised at how accepting children can be. The most important thing is for the child to know they were really wanted and loved.
Author Rita Galimberti Femplus Clinic